Is there really such a thing as Procrastination?

     Here I am on my band wagon again. I had a client ask me if I thought they were procrastinating. Why is it we have to have labels of who we are and what we do?
     What is my answer to the client? Well I said,” No”.
     I mean, there is something stopping them from doing what they want to finish off. Most likely, when I run out of steam, I’ve lost my inspiration or sense of “flow” in what I was doing. OR I’m terrified of what will happen. Will I succeed or fail or worse, what if I don’t WANT to succeed. Reasons, reasons, reasons.
     It’s what I do for a living. You know how you decide you want to move from Point A to Point B. There is a gap there. You fill it up with information, knowledge, skills tools, advice, and step by step procedure on how to fill that gap and walk over to the other side. I like to stir up that gap and let all those reasons float to the top.
     If you have “bought into” or actually bought a product or service, you have if from the best authority that these steps of skills and tools are guaranteed to work. There are all sorts of testimonials saying it works. You are all excited because THIS is the moment. This is when you get to where you want to go. It doesn’t matter what Point A or Point B is. It could be you’re overweight and you want to be slim. It could be your relationship is on a downward spiral and you want to get it back to where it was. It could even be you want your business to make more money, get more clients. It doesn’t really matter what it is. You have all this knowledge and you’re “procrastinating”.
     I am more interested in how it feels. I’m more interested in how often you think about this. How committed are you to getting from point A to B. Because really, I have not clue what will work for you. I have nothing that follows a direct line from A to B with all the steps outlined for you.
     I don’t have a plan of attack because I don’t know what works for you. I assume you are an intelligent human being that is dissatisfied with something in your life. What I do know is your whole life is a set of experiences and events that have shaped the way your mind thinks and operates around your behavior. It’s how you perceive what is happening to your life.
     So, if anything it’s not really procrastination that is stopping you. More likely it’s just your brain misfiring. It gets all excited about taking new action but the steps, skills and tools just don’t click with how your mind thinks and works. Remember all those testimonials? Well that step by step process you just bought into worked for them because it fit in nicely with how their brain is hardwired. It works for them and because their brain “likes” the whole process it allows that person to stay inspired, keep up the excitement and maintain the flow to reach their goal.
     Your brain, on the other hand, just doesn’t work that way and it misfires. You come screaming to a halt. It immediately makes up all these reasons about why you can’t proceed or just plain old: don’t feel like it. Your brain doesn’t have a connection with the whole process. It just doesn’t ring true for you.
     Where does the excitement come from? It comes back to that idea about perceptions. It could be a million things that get you excited. Your excitement is as unique to you as a fingerprint. But it isn’t sustainable.
     However, a more immediate issue is, “What do I do now?. You’ve got this process you’re not excited about any more. If you’ve invested money, my best suggestion is to make the process your own. If you have a way of doing things that really gets your juices flowing then do it.
Does art bring things alive for you? Then do some drawing of how you want to work it out. Do you need to make short term goals and work towards them? Then set it up that way.
     I’ve got tons of assessment tools that I try out myself before I suggest the use to a client. It is a rare occasion that I even suggest this. In every case I have changed how I use it. How do I know when I’m going to have to change it? Well my first clue is that it feels like someone is “telling me how to do something”. I’m a relatively intelligent person and I don’t often need to be told HOW to do something. Its often reminds me of my parents telling me what I can and cannot do. In fact if there is a written comment that I can use the assessment IF I don’t change it in any way when I use it…I hear my dad’s voice in the back of my head.
     When I hear that voice I will allow a client to try it out but tell them to change it in any way that feels more comfortable to them. That is IF I even use the assessment.
     An example would be a tool I use to determine “values”. What an overused word with a myriad of meanings. This again is another topic for a future article.
I often tell people it really is just a tool to play around with to find out what they are passionate about. It really tells them the elements of their personality. I go through the assessment and ask them how they think they would change that step of the process to reflect who they are and how they think and behave. By the time we are finished they have created a whole new tool and then they are excited about getting down to business.
     The bottom line is to create your own process. It doesn’t mean you have to start from scratch. There are many products and services that you can start with and many of them are free at your local library. Cut and paste away and create what works for YOUR mind.

 

To Goal or not to Goal. That is the Question!



I got into a discussion about the importance (or non-importance) of goal-making. It was inspired by an article I read at http://www.goalfree.com/?page_id=241 . Not inspired in the way you might think but inspired to have a provocative conversation about it.

I asked my partner what he thought about goals first. I was curious to hear what someone else had to say about it. His comment: if I lived my life committed to goals, then what happens to the journey of life. If I was so attached to creating and following a goal then what happens when “life happens”? Would I be so attached to my desired outcome that I would have blinders on about what was happening around me?

So I thought about that. For example what if I had a goal to be making a living, by the end of this year, through my coaching practice? If I had a crisis in my family would I put blinders on and adhere to what my goal was? If I was so focused on creating the business would I miss out on going for a walk when the sun happens to shine? Now this is a distinct possibility. When we have winter, it rains or is overcast for days on end. Then bang we get a sunny day. Would I want to be stuck indoors?

That was only one goal. What if I created goals around most of my life? What if I wanted to lose weight and I made a goal about that? Would I beat myself up if I enjoyed myself at a party? How about the difference between losing weight and actually creating a healthy lifestyle? Would it make more sense to just take each moment of my life and decide to make a healthy choice about what to do? Here comes that sunny day walk!

What my partner was saying was: I could get so attached to all my goals; I would miss out on what actually happens in my life. Okay I understand that. But on the other hand what about the benefits of goals? I mean I would completely lack direction and get nowhere without some type of direction. Do goals have some sort of use? So I asked my partner his take on this.

It dovetailed with what I was starting to think. Yes goals have their uses. It all depends on the importance of the outcome.

When it comes to creating a goal, really analyze why the goal is necessary. Losing weight can be of great importance if your doctor says your life is at risk. However it might be more useful to make a goal which includes creating a healthy lifestyle on a daily basis.

Paying off a debt can be important if it means the difference between declaring bankruptcy or not. But maybe a more useful goal would include: to become more money conscience.

I think, what these two goals have in common, is that they take place in the present. What I mean is that the goals cause me to live in the present moment.In both cases, decisions I make are daily and based on what the journey of my life happens to look like that day.

Am I faced with fixing my car? It may be an unexpected expense but if I can’t get to work then how will my finances look? To be more money conscious so that I have the extra money to deal with unexpected expenses….well that makes much more sense. I can make decisions, daily or moment to moment, on how I spend my money every time I open my wallet.

I really like the idea I came up with. I’ve been reading (yes another book) written by Tony Buzan: The Mind Map Book. Now that is MY idea of creating a really cool goal. Not only is it fun and intuitive, it uses your brain the way it was meant to be used. Like the coaching style I use, it creates inspiration which is a powerful concoction and leads to permanent change. I got my copy of his book at the local library and any of the on-line bookstores carries it.



So to have goals or not is not really the question at all. How we use goals and what kind of tools and skills we use to create the goals is a more flexible path to: permanent change.



 

No Such Thing as Life Balance
Yes, you read it right. I don’t believe there is such a thing as Life Balance. I think someone in the Personal Growth Industry made the term to label what people were feeling. They felt better about having a label.
What I think is that there is no such thing. Life is not about balance BUT life has everything to do with relationships. Relationships with your partner, spouse, children, family, work, business, friends, colleagues, co-workers, employees, staff and most importantly YOURSELF are the meat of life.
I can’t even begin to imagine what any of these relationships look like for everyone I run into. I can’t even begin to understand how they work for everyone. This is a story about why.
I went on a journey to discover what made me “tick”. It was a long one. Personal Development courses taught me to explore who I was and what I Value. I created all sorts of goals around my values, did the work, got the skills and then sank in the water.
I started to think it was an issue with motivation. No. I was always motivated to change what I was doing. I took tons of courses promising me: life balance, a changed life, and a new way of doing things, goal setting. None of it seemed to last. Oh it did for some people but not me.
Was there something wrong with me? I went on a quest for some inspiration and found what I was looking for. I learned how an inspiration worked, how to take that energy and channel it into motivation and created a ton of Flow in my life.
Did I have to explore my life balance? No. Did I have to rearrange my life so it was in balance? No. What meant balance to me was not the same as what it meant to someone else. What my experiences, upbringing, values and perceptions indicated to me, in a sort of relentless way was: Life balance had a special meaning to me. It had nothing to do with a balancing act at all. It had everything to do with my relationships. It had everything to do with a holistic lifestyle that was unique to me as my fingerprints.
Yes sometimes a model or method clicked with me but never exactly. I found that being INSPIRED by an idea to create my own way was the most powerful way for me to change. I found that it was not only the idea of relationships that created the life I wanted but the time I WANTED to spend on each relationship, HOW I spent the time and even WHY I wanted to, was so important and unique to me alone.
No one could have possibly told me what that would all look like. Only I knew the answer and only I could be inspired to make it that way.
So how is it that some of these things really work? I mean how do you explain the testimonials? I think that the relationship maps every one of those people had, in their minds, about what it was the worked for them made the idea, technique or program work for that person. What the testimonials never do say, however, is how that individual adapted what they used to “fit” in with what inspired them in the first place.
I think they were inspired and THAT is what made the difference. Not WHAT they used to get what they wanted but HOW they used it.
Personally the people I run across are all pretty smart people. They just needed a nudge to think different and create a revolution in their own mind. That’s what I like about what I do.

I've got an associate of mine who is an absolute wonderful coach and has some fr*ee teleconference calls going on nxet week. I will be on these calls as well.
Come join us at
http://www.femalepreneurs.com/action_groups.html
Dates and times are listed there.

Sign up here for the 2 preview calls Sept 12th and 19th at 4PM Eastern (1PM Pacific) where we will outline what you will learn and answer any questions.

Hope to meet you there!

Note: This is a post from my other BLOG. I didn't like the name but I loved the article I wrote. So I transfered it here. This was written January 18/06
I write a private newsletter and had written something on how the brains creates motivation. Obviously it wasn't enough information because here is one of the responses I got.“I am always amused that people have such a simple answer for such a confusing problem. When you are kids 'experts' call your negative attitudes ADHD, ADD or some other medical term (usually a behaviour disorder) and you are forgiven for your bad attitude and angry outbursts as we try to figure out a cure for your diagnosis. Excuses are made for your whining, crying and lack of effort in any form because you have a learning disability or a behaviour disorder. Then, all of a sudden you are an adult and those same 'experts' tell you all you have to do is think positive and your life will be great. Sorry...until we can hold kids accountable for their behaviour and stop making excuses for their lack of discipline we will continue to have adults who have no idea how to be happy. To simply think positive is a farce. If people knew how to think positive they would already be doing it but they are so wrapped up in making excuses for themselves (and now their children) that we have a viscous cycle. It should be very easy for someone who 'has it all' to think more positive than someone who has to struggle for things. Isn't it interesting that it seems to be the kids who do 'have it all' that do the most whining.” My Reply went like this: Wow. I agree wholeheartedly. This process is different. There is medical documentation that this idea of creating new ‘mindmaps’ for behaviour, actually works for people suffering from OCD behaviour. It works so well they can remove these people off of medication. It also has been proven to work with brain injury or stroke victims. They can actually change the outcome of their behaviour and physical abilities by changing their thinking patterns. They have visual documentation of a brain dendrite actually growing one hour after re-thinking your though process and they have medical documentation on the body actually releasing endorphins to give you that Aha and motivational inspiration that you need to stick with a change in behaviour.This is WAY new stuff and too cool. What actually started the whole thing was the medical research of stroke victims learning to walk and talk (despite medical belief it was impossible) because they were TOLD they "REALLY could learn to walk and talk if they wanted to and changed their mind about the possibility of it". There would be a measurable increase in brain development, endorphins would be released and after repeating the process of rethinking what they, the stroke victim, could do they actually started to walk and talk again. There is medical research going on at NYU and UCLA right now. So its not airy fairy stuff. They started with the tough stuff and now have decided that if it works so well with stroke victims, and mentally ill people, imagine what the techniques could do for people with minor issues and within a "therapy" model.Did you know, that at birth there are only brain cells with a few connections within the brain i.e. breathing, eating and sleeping? ALL connections in the brain are made after birth and based solely on what and how a baby experiences life. It is so undeveloped that, at birth, a baby can know it IS being touched but not WHERE. Not until you touch a baby several times is a “map” set up in the brain the tells a baby WHERE it is being touched. All sensory maps are created in specific order too. The maps are created starting with the mouth and working down to the toes. Which makes sense right? Since a baby’s most important thing to do is eat and sleep. What this all means is that the maps you create in your mind about everything are created in such a unique way as to be the same as individual fingerprints. No two people have the same mindmaps about how to react to ANYTHING. Anything that is a compulsion or an obsession is a “false direction” on our maps or faulty signals in the brain. You can alter these maps and create new ones by being 1.) Aware of what you are doing and wanting to change what you do 2.) Choose not to be “tricked” by the false directions or faulty signals your brain sends you 3.) Redraw your map i.e. deliberately act and believe another way is possible.They have proven that focussing on negative thoughts or compulsions creates a “rut in the path” of your map. In other words you keep building more dendrites and connections that make you STICK to the way you’ve always done something. Now if that doesn’t blow your socks off I don’t know what does.In answer to the original question, then I suppose you could say that labelling a child and treating them as if they were “sick” only reinforces and strengthens the maps these children have in their heads. However I am no medical doctor and not sure how the “faulty signals” work for all the ailments children tend to be diagnosed with when they don’t do well at school. I do know how it works with OCD because that is the research being done now and it is the example they used in the book I am reading(the Mind & The Brain by Jeffrey Schwartz, M.D.)Hope this isn’t boring you all to tears. I just found it so totally fascinating and exciting to realize that I have a lot of little issues that could be handled this way for myself.Next blog is the response to the second comment I received. I was unable to answer it at the time because I wasn’t at that stage of the book but I did finally reach it and it was interesting to say the least. The second question was in a conversation so I will paraphrase as best I can:“ What stops a person from going back to the ‘old ways’ once they have created a new path for the thoughts, to do a better thing, to go through their brain?” In other words once this new path to behave in a more positive way is created in our mindmaps what’s to stop us from going back to the old, nasty way of behaving?Then the blog after that…what that means to you as an individual and how to put it to practical use for yourself

Ah, my first post in the beginning of this revolution. This Blog will be linked to my Squidoo lens. You might need to read that first to see where my head is coming from.
My original journey from beginning to end is there so I won't repeat myself.
Today I am joining up with Toastmasters. As you have read I have lots to say and if I want to TRULY start this revolution of thinking I need to pare down how to present it. Any ideas anyone?
Do I need to explain why this works so effectively? Once I work with someone it tilts their perception so much it's never the same when it comes to thinking. You even ask yourself questions in a different way. My journal reads differently. I talk differently and when someone tries to give me advice and solutions instead of honoring how my mind works...........LOOK OUT!
Once you have thought this way there is no turning back. See what I mean about a Revolution?
I mean this affects everything!
- how you make decisions
-how you deal with your relationships
-how you resolve problems and even how you look at them
-how to enhance performance
-how to improve behaviour
-education, teaching, learning...
-psychology
These are only the ones off the top of my head. Phew better slow down for today.